JD Vance, nicknamed Lil’ Smokey by iHip News for his smoky eyes (or was it his cocktail-sized smoked sausage) has made feeble attempts to attack and vilify pagans in his latest hate speech at the March for Life.

Vance’s speech begins predictably enough with attendees encouraged to make more babies (just like he and Usha, who are now expecting their fourth) and trust the MAGA government to support them and be there for them no matter what, as they continue their shared mission to honour all life by honouring all babies. Really, all babies? Or just their babies?

Unlike Donald Trump, I am secretly impressed with Vance’s ability to at least spin his lies in a lucid and logical manner. We all know what JD really meant. Future American, Fundamentalist Christian, Caucasian, hetero, republican, brainwashed MAGA babies. Not all babies. Of course, he will never admit to that. After praising the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade in 2022 his speech descended into a rant about an archaeology article he read “some time ago” that “has haunted” him.

“One of the tell-tale signs of an ancient brothel in the pagan world was that you’d always find a large number of baby skeletons nearby. A lot of baby skeletons,” Vance said “And those bones predominately belonged to boys. Because unlike little girls, those boys would be of no use to the future adults who were running those brothels.”

“Now this is shocking to us because we grew up in a Christian culture and were formed by religious values,” Vance continued “And as important as all this politics stuff is, it is about whether we will remain a civilization under God or whether we ultimately return to the paganism that dominated the past.”

“We have to remember that in the ancient pagan world discarding children was routine, from the skeletons in brothels to the child sacrifice of the Mayans, the mark of barbarism is that we treat babies like inconveniences to be discarded rather than the blessings to cherish that they are.”

One point I will not argue with is that JD Vance is haunted. No investigation required. Vance’s rant continued to include complaints about the “radical left,” climate change, and something about debates and speeches keeping him honest. It was the honesty bit that made me sick. I had to stop listening and start blogging at that point because I’d heard enough.

Something I want to emphasise to all pagans (and all witches) would be to not internalise Vance’s hateful rhetoric. Just because you’re pagan and not a mindless MAGA matron (or patron) doesn’t mean you don’t love your children, or that you support infanticide. As for your views on abortion, that’s your god damned business, not mine or anyone else’s.

JD Vance’s interpretations of archaeological finds are just that, interpretations. There are alternative theories made by those more qualified, which posit the site in Britain that Vance is likely referring to, may have been a shrine or temple devoted to the Mother Goddess due to significant religious objects found at the site. The theory goes on to suggest the proposed temple or shrine was a place where women went to give birth and the infant remains found are from babies who were stillborn or died shortly after birth. Vance is so desperate to promote his own agenda that he will twist any evidence he can to suit his narrative. He will demonise anyone and everyone who gets in his way.

There is also contrary evidence to Vance’s pagan brothel claims. DNA samples were taken from the baby skeletons in question and it turns out, there was more or less an equal representation of girls and boys who were buried there. Somehow, I don’t think Vance’s MAGA marchers would be open to hearing any of this.

I do have to admit though, he got us with the Mayans. There were child and adult sacrifices alike in pre-Columbian America. There were also child sacrifices made in ancient Israel. In fact, the Hebrew bible has its own god of human and child sacrifice. While the god of the Christian bible forbids child sacrifice, it cannot resist delivering the disturbing line, “All that opens the womb belongs to me.” – Exodus 34:19.

In closing, I would like to add that when it comes to rearing babies and children, Christendom  has a far from perfect track record. From innumerable accounts of physical and sexual abuse to a mother-and-baby home in Ireland with a mass grave yard of nearly 800 sets of infant and child remains, don’t come for us. Pick on someone your own size, Lil’ Smokey.

What say you, my sisters? Brothers? Leave your comments below.

Notice: Apart from autocorrect, no AI was used in the writing of this post. © 2026 Scott Rose. All rights reserved.